Preparing My Heart

Once again, my time at home with Wes is at it's end and my heart is aching at the thought of going back to work.  Before Wes was born, I thought I would be okay with working.  If I'm completely honest, I thought I might go crazy being a stay at home mom. I was confident that being a teacher was the best profession to be in as a mom because of the hours and having the summers off, of course!  Although this is certainly still true,  now that Wes is here my heart is 100% focused on him. I want to be the only one that teaches him, feeds him, sees his cute little face when he wakes up from a nap, and witness all of his first accomplishments.  Having been able to spend so much time with him this summer, I am dreading, more than ever, returning to work.  It's so frustrating that while Brandon has done everything in his power to find a job that could support our family if I did stay home, he has simply not been able to. To be clear, I literally mean a job that will allow us to pay the bills, not live outside of our means in any way. Trust me, we are not looking to make a lot of money, we are simply looking to be able to pay the bills. If I were a stay at home mom currently, we would be able to pay most of our bills but would not be able to afford health care, groceries, or gas for our cars.  I can't write about this topic too much because it frustrates me to tears.  I do not understand how so many women can afford to be stay at home moms.  If you have some big secret, please let me know!  I wish more than anything that my husband will be recognized for his talents and amazing work ethic some day soon.  I just keep praying and hoping for this day to come.